personal

If there is anyone I consider to be an idol, it's Ayumi Hamasaki.

As corny as it sounds, I love Ayu. I look up to her as an amazing artist and business woman. I admire her constant drive to outdo her last release and her ability to make a name for herself. She came from nothing -- a single parent family with considerably crippled finances -- and has built nothing short of an empire out of her brand, and she has done so with her own two hands. Granted, she has a team backing her up and making it happen -- a team she'd be a fool to ignore -- but she's in control.

Of course I don't know her personally, and of course she can't escape the tabloids' slander, but she has still scrapped through with more dignity than most pop idols. She has made it on her own terms without embracing moral ambiguity. She doesn't have a long list failed relationships in the public eye and any alleged slandar are hear-say at best. For every malicious rumor and headline, she comes back ten times stronger. She strives for a level of quality and class most of her peers couldn't hope to reach, and she out-does herself every time. Some may call her a diva because of her relentless demand for the best, but it is that insistence for perfection that has gotten her to where she is today.

Her performances are always a blast to watch, and she sings with such emotion that her songs touch the listener even without understanding her words. At the same time, there's a sense of sadness about her; through her music and image, she has been very public in her feud with her label. However, she knows that she needs them to come out on top just as they need her. It's almost tragic, and sometimes I wonder why so many of us are drawn to someone seemingly so resigned to her position (as she told TIME, "It is necessary that I am viewed as a product. I am a product"). However, it's important to remember that she is able to voice her grievances, that she has taken her situation into consideration and -- although not all of the issues have been ironed out -- has turned it to her advantage. She doesn't always agree with Avex, but she makes do. That's how the real world works.

Besides, Ayu isn't all about sadness. She knows there are times to be happy; it is the balance between such emotions that make for a well-rounded individual. As both she and her music have matured, her lyrics have come to reflect this. They speak of journeys -- large and small -- to find happiness to level out the pain, and they tell of her desire to become a better person. I, like many, have been following her career for years. Some have been listening since her 1998 debut; I didn't jump in until 1999's "TO BE". Regardless, we have all watched her grow up. Even if she says she is to be "viewed as a product", the -- sometimes brutal -- honesty in her lyrics has chronicled her maturity from a misguided teenager to an amazing adult who has taken on a career and an entire culture head-on. Sometimes she's a little reluctant, sometimes she's scared, but she knows herself and her own emotions well enough to act on them, something her songs have displayed time and time again.

It is through her lyrical and musical evolution that we are able to add character to the entertainer and entrepreneur, which makes her all the more appealing. She's not just the pretty face on the magazine or album cover; she's a human being.

Ayumi Hamasaki is someone who has lived and continues to experience life to its fullest. Even if she has her jaded moments of doubt, she does a pretty good job of coming out okay in the end. I know I'll be rooting for her all the way, and I'm sure many more of her fans will do the same.

about Ayu-Vogue's Administrator

Ayu-Vogue is designed, written, and administrated by Stacey Anne, a twentysomething located in the USA. She runs websites as a hobby while working on a Comparative Studies major at an undisclosed university. Her focus is Visual Culture and Media and hopes to further study the role of storytelling and culture in new media after she finished her undergraduate.

In addition to Ayu-VogueNET, Stacey Anne maintains the Final Fantasy VII fan domain Midgar-RockORG and their parent domain Peach-ArrowNET. The only thing she loves more than Ayumi Hamasaki is her miniature poodle, pictured left.

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